I wish OkCupid had a category of questions with which I can automatically deselect people. I mean.. who in their right mind who answers “yes” to a racial preference would chat me up and expect me to give them my time, right?
I mean, it is very clearly preference for people of the same general ethnicity, background and classs. And unless they are also queer, chinese-malaysian-born & bred, british educated, and reached maturity and adulthood in the london queer and kink scene, have ptsd from traumatic assault & done shitloads of counselling… then they aren’t of a similar background as I am. Need I say more?!?!?!?!
I had a conversation with someone I’m sleeping with, someone who can be described as cis, white and male, about this question. He says this isn’t a dealbreaker for him. And I totally get that. Unless he was in east or south Asia, Africa or Latin America… this isn’t a useful question for him because it isn’t self-eliminating where one’s ethnicity is the same as the majority population’s. This person is a sweety and I absolutely adore him. I mean, I gave him ‘dismantle the patriarchy’ and he raised me ‘bring down capitalism and all hierarchical societies’. His political discourse is at a level I can only hope of achieving someday.
But back on topic : for me it very easily is a dealbreaker BECAUSE I AM NOT WHITE. There.. I’ve said it. I am not white. And despite assimilating very well into a predominantly white workplace and a predominantly white society, I am not white and no amount of daily mail readers going “oh but we don’t mean YOU” when talking about reducing immigration, no amount of “i see you as white” will erase my birthright, my identity, the colour of my skin by which I have been racially descriminated on since I was born, will change the passport by which I get ‘randomly selected’ for at airports, will give me back the thousands of pounds I have paid to UKBA for 10 years of visa applications & paperwork.
So why do people like that message me? Hmm let me count the ways.
The “you look like fun, you look easy”
My answer: FUCK OFF
The alluded to but not explicitly stated “you are not white but you are light-skinned”
Again, my answer : FUCK OFF
The oft-presumed “you should be grateful and honoured that a racist like me wants to fuck you”
My answer… if I even need to repeat it : FUCK OFF BACK TO THE HELLHOLE YOU CAME FROM.
Am I being clear enough?
Dealbreaker questions are dealbreaker questions and if you are THAT idiot who excuses all their mistaken answers with “oh i answered it wrong” Well, care enough to change it because I certainly care enough to block anyone who ever answers that question with a ‘yes’ from ever seeing my dating profile.