I am intermittently deactivating and reactivating my facebook account. I have just completely weaned off the anti depressants I was on for PTSD, and while I am mostly doing okay, I am finding the interactions on facebook fraught with aggression, defensiveness and just plain unfriendliness. All things which I don’t need while I settle into a new equilibrium of neurological biochemistry.
I do bring it on myself I suppose. I will call people out for being misogynistic, queerphobic or sex-worker phobic. That is, on some level ‘asking for’ the backlash I get for doing that. That last statement was victim blaming. Which is wrong on so many levels. Hhhmm.. let me rephrase that. NO, by calling out misogyny, queer phobia and sex-worker phobia, I am not asking for anything. I am putting information out there. I am merely saying that that person’s statement, or share, or whatever, is perceived by me to be misogynist / queer phobic / sex worker phobic. That is it. They can chose whether to react to it or not. Some people do react by saying thank you… but most of the time.. what do I get? A ‘oh why can’t you just take a joke’. Or a ‘but this and this and this not this this this’.
These sorts of reactions then require extra spoons to deal with. Spoons I am currently expending by just…. living. Yes, living require spoons. Anxiety and depression require spoons to deal with. Even at the level they are currently – which is very very very low. EVERY interaction with the world which requires a response interaction requires spoons. Work requires spoons and is where most of it goes to. School, thankfully on break (which is why I’m weaning off now and not in autumn), requires spoons.
Maybe I should put a disclaimer on every comment I live in public.. something along the lines of
[Disclaimer: By leaving this comment, I am merely providing information about what I think of your last statement, you DO NOT have to react or to reply to it, it is merely INFORMATION which you are entirely welcome to read and discard]
There… what do you think?
Why are people not more accepting? Why is the respond “thank you for informing me my last statement was misogynist. I will think about why you might think that and maybe rethink my position” so rare it might as well be extinct?
To use an common analogy : When you give someone a gift, is the response ‘thank you, that is very kind’.. or ‘what is this, why did you get me this, what is it made of, what is the carbon footprint of this, where did you get it from, how much did it cost, did you buy me this because you think i need it’
When I comment online, I comment to inform or educate. Sometimes to share congratulations or commiserations. I do not ever comment to intentionally attack. That just isn’t me. To be attacked in response is… disheartening…. but I can deal with it. But to be attacked when my mental health is bad and I end up spending 2 days curled up in bed crying… I think that warrants a break from the medium which gives me that grieve.
So… instagram.. my balcony garden.. my blog, my cooking. And twitter. Twitter keeps me better informed about world news than facebook ever could – and from people whose opinions I actually care for. And because I am not an active poster, twitter for me is passive reading… keeping up with the news. I know how toxic it can be.. but because i don’t have an audience and I keep in the shadows… for now..
So long then… see you twitter….
Twitter : @incoherent_qing
Instagram : @kirhymeswithpie
Food blog : mynofusskitchen.wordpress.com