YKIOK – It’s use in the non-kink, grassroots support & activism sphere.

YKINMKBYKIOK – often abbreviated to YKIOK

I often use YKIOK in discussions on facebook groups and forums.  Unfortunately this is often quickly followed by the question ‘what does that mean?’.  It is a phrase used in the kink world, usually abbreviated to YKIOK but in order to explain or to introduce it, the whole thing has to be used. It is short for ‘Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK’

Like some other concepts (eg consent), it is explicitly harped upon more in the kink world than in the vanilla due to necessity. In order for the various kinks to co-exist, and because there isn’t anywhere else to go to talk about that kink, groups of kinky people have to co-exist in the small niche space which they have carved out with many other kinks. So people who like daddy/little girl play may have to co-exist with pony play, who may have to coexist in with shibari/kinbaku/kunbang, and with watersports, scat, needle play, blood play, consensual-non-consent, ultraviolence, and so on and so forth.  Someone who joins a kink community for kink a b & c may become friends with someone who likes a,b,c,x,y & z. This could be on a friend’s feed for example.  People are multi-faceted, and kinky people are often multi-kinky.  So on a forum or noticeboard, one is almost guaranteed to come across something you simply cannot stomach. In that situation, the courteous thing to do is to mumble YKIOK and walk away.

It isn’t an alien concept to the non-kink world. It is commonly known as “horses for courses” “whatever floats your boat” “different strokes for different folks” etc. However the phrases which the general english speaking population use isn’t quite as explicit as YKIOK, because everyone who uses it or read it knows it is attached to the rest of the phrase – ‘but it is not my kink’, so the person using it is both saying, ‘okay this is not my thing… i maybe even really really disagree with it.. but if everyone consents… sure, go ahead, i’m just going to walk away because I honestly can’t stomach it’.

It is something that multicultural, multilingual, multi-ethnic, multi-religious activism or support groups could really do with implementing. A lot of people in such grassroots group are…… underexposed…. to opinions which are different from their own, and may react strongly – which is okay – but in order to co exist with the other strong opinions, people need to learn to walk away without starting a fight, and without losing any face.

*** I wrote this for the same group I wrote the previous post for.  And that pen post is a classic example of where mutual understanding of the concepts behind YKIOK would have been good for the discussion.  If the OP understood that my role to educate can co-exist with his need to make inappropriate jokes, and that while we may cross swords over it, in the larger picture both sides being presented would have been educational to the group as a whole… then we wouldn’t have antagonised each other as much.


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